My cousin-in-law (is that an official title?) just had her little boy at 26.5 weeks. That's pretty nerve-wracking. I understand a little of that fear. I went into labor the morning that I turned 30 weeks. When we got to the hospital and they told me that I was pretty much totally effaced and dilated to a 4 and contractions were only 2 minutes apart my heart sunk. When my water broke and I was rushed in for an emergency c-section I was sobbing, terrified about what the world would hold for my tiny premature boys. We quickly were immersed in a world I knew nothing about. The NICU. Phrases, words, etc. were tossed around that I had never heard. My children were hooked up to all sorts of machinery and monitors and were constantly being poked and prodded with needles. This was not was I signed up for. You can't exactly ask a nurse to explain to you what's wrong with your child as they are rushing to put a bag of ice on his face to bring his heart rate down from 250. There are a lot of unknowns, a LOT of tears, and a lot of prayers when your baby is in the NICU. Here are just a few tips from me, a Mom who was in two separate NICUs with 3 lb twins.
*Take care of yourself. If you don't, you'll end up back in the hospital and won't be able to see your babies at all. Take the time to recover so that when your baby finally does come home, you will be able to enjoy it. Sleep, eat, drink...it's hard when you are so busy pumping, holding, driving, worrying, etc., but it's necessary.
*Go on dates with your husband. It is REALLY awful to tear yourself away from the NICU, but you must do it. It's the only time in your life you will have such qualified babysitters. Take a night out and see a movie, go to a fancy restaurant, whatever. We went on a few dates and it was amazing how helpful it really was.
*Buy a special bra that holds the pumping gear in place so that you can read, write a blog entry, surf the internet, knit, etc. Those pumping sessions are terrible, especially if you have a low milk supply (aka me) and have to pump for 30 minutes every 2 hours in order to get enough to feed ONE of your babies. You need to keep yourself sane.
*Take pictures and videos of your baby. They will be such treasured memories later, if you can believe that. They will LOVE those pictures some day and will be showing them off to their friends at recess.
*Buy this book: Preemies. It is AMAZING. It is so helpful when you have questions about procedures or terms people are throwing around. It walks you through surgeries your child might have to have and even walks you through the coming home part. It was our best purchase and was a huge help when our son had to have emergency surgery.
*Document the ups and the downs. It is incredible to go back and read through our blog posts about the boys. I wrote every single day (it was a big help to me so that I didn't have to explain everything a million times).
*Pray. Our faith in God and Jesus Christ is what really got us through this experience. We witnessed miracles every single day. Pray and thank your Father in Heaven for the miracles you see.
*It's okay to tell visitors no. When you only get to hold your baby for 30 minutes a day (if that), it's okay to be selfish and take that time for yourself. Let people know when they can come, if they can hold the baby, etc. You need to be honest, otherwise there will be issues. Trust me.
*Do not be afraid to speak up. If there is a nurse you don't get along with or that you don't feel comfortable leaving your child with--tell the Head Nurse. If there is a nurse you really like, request her to be your primary nurse. Our primary nurses were a huge blessing to both us and our babies. We still communicate with them today. It is really nice to see a familiar, loving face.
*Read their binder (it's by the bedside). You are their Mom, it's okay. There is a lot of great information in there--weight, history, etc.
*If you have a question, ASK. Ask the RN, ask the OPT, ask the Neonatalogist, ASK. After a month in the NICU we finally learned this skill. If there was a head ultrasound that we didn't understand, we made an appointment with the Neonatologist. You'll find these a very helpful! Get to know the people--it is a big help.
*Make friends with the people around you. There are so many incredible parents with their children in the NICU and their stories will probably make you pretty grateful for your own trial. Get to know them, serve them, and you will find that your trips to the NICU will be a little brighter.
*Talk to people. A lot of people do not understand the issues associated with twins. Educate people. Communicate. If you need dinners, ask. Don't be afraid--people will want to help. We had dinners brought in once a week and it was a HUGE life saver.
*Take this opportunity to learn about preemies. It's amazing the things you can learn.
*Look ahead knowing that this really WILL end. There might still be struggles, but you won't be in the NICU forever.
*Call the nurse at any time if you have questions, concerns, or you just miss your baby. We would call every single night to check on our boys before we could go to sleep.
*BUY SOME LOTION. Your hands and arms will get so chapped from washing constantly. Mine still haven't recovered. Apply lotion after every washing, it will help.
*It's okay to cry and feel overwhelmed, but don't allow yourself to compare your life with others. Everyone has different trials. A phrase we learned to say was "Give me this mountain." It is from this talk. It means to accept your personal trials and to conquer them.
*Read this. It helped us through a lot.
*Find something to do when you can't hold your baby. Read a book, write in your journal, crochet a blanket for them, etc. This will make the time not seem as painful.
*Do the little things for them that you CAN do--change their diapers, bathe them, feed them, etc.
*Don't get down on yourself if you can't breastfeed. It was so hard for me that I was only able to give milk to one baby and not the other. Realize that you are doing the best you can. Both babies ended up on formula after 3 months and they turned out JUST FINE.
That's what I can think of for now. My heart goes out to anyone who is going through this. We know that we had it pretty easy as far as the NICU goes, but with 2 surgeries, SVTs, brain cysts, RSV scares, 2 different hospitals, etc., we also know what a roller coaster the NICU can be. Email with any questions. We are here to help.
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